I. Evacuate before your ass is on fire!
As every time we had a jerk in my office who considers himself “Mr. Superlative”, Okay grudges apart, we once had organized a cubicle décor competition at office when I was quite new, so just tried to decorate my cubicle with some organic stuffs, people who were busy decorating were walking to & fro, was quite startled to see that people who walked with moderate speed walked fast past his cubicle, could empathize his loneliness. Well that made me feel bad so had been to his cubicle to encourage him a bit. He had a few handmade paintings which were really awful & disgusting, and he started praising his work so much and didn’t let me leave his cubicle for a longtime, which made me realize why were people running away as if their asses were on fire.
II. Hunting for asses to nail..
Received a request on for say 1st Mar, fulfilled it on the same day. On 20th Mar, the requestor sends you a ‘Reminder‘ email asking for the status of the request. This was such a perplexed situation of “who’s the dumb ass now?!?!”
III. Guide me the longest ‘U’ turn possible!
Was on the way to some new place which I wasn’t aware of, felt like going in a wrong direction, stopped by road and asked a person standing by there. He confidently said we were going in opposite direction. We took U turn and travelled like 30 KMs, again stopped by to reconfirm with someone and then came to know we were going correct before we took the U turn… Grrrrhhhhhh!!!
IV. Would you mind if I swap your head & balls?
My aunt gave dress material to tailor to get it stitched. After a week, she went to that tailor and almost fainted. He swapped top & bottom materials and the dress was awful. When she asked for a reason why it happened, he said he was busy with the festive season!! (WTF, is that a reason???)
V. Tastes Bizarre!
Team went out for dinner with Boss. We picked up South Indian Cuisine because he insistently said he loves South Indian dishes. Ordered food and we started having dinner. All of a sudden, Boss shouts with that redness on his face – “Oh Jeez, I hate these spicy foods“!! [I mean South Indian foods are famous for spices, ain’t they?]
VI. An interview to demote?
Someone approached me to know if I’m interested in an opening with their company. She said she saw my profile clearly on some job portal and very much pleased with it. She also said the designation @the new position will be senior programmer!! [WTF!! I’m a working as a manager already]
VII. Whats your base – IT? or Matrimony?
We came to know that two of our team members are getting married. We all got together on some occasion, wanted to wish both of them. One of the team members, in public, wished both of them, followed by a point that she got a real bad taste in selecting her partner! [Mean or Insane?]
VIII. Care to taste some shit? – Of course (until its free)!
One midday heard a knock against my door, when opened there stood a person inviting us on behalf of the management of the Apartment we recently moved in. We thought people who reside in an apartment like that
hardly would even care to accept the invite, so decided not to assemble at the venue. But to my surprize when gazed through my window to see if there was anyone present, the whole mob of families with their kids and all
were present and ate their content, looked as if they were prepared well by fasting the whole day.
IX: Lets be friendly, but a heavy price to pay!
This happens quite often, does this happen only to me? (well I dont know). When in Bangalore, every-noon at my office people wait to bunch-up with a few more colleagues to evacuate one’s self from the busy environment. I initially thought that they were trying not to forlorn themselves from a friendly environment, well it took time for me to understand. We all smoked, had tea, later guess what? Well everyone dispersed as if no one knew each other ever before & I stood there all alone and you can presume what happened next. Well, yeah I had to pay a ransom for trying to be friendly in a new environment.
X. A nice ass licking act!
Our cultural team had contributed to build innovative ideas to change the culture within our company. All the ideas were implemented and everyone enjoyed them having their utmost fun. Suddenly an appreciation email from higher management floats across saying “Thanks XXX for leading the cultural team…. blah blah”; where XXX is part of that team not really leading it.
XI. << Few many to be added as in the coming days, please keep revisiting 🙂 >>
PS: Pictures used in this post are taken randomly over web & I do not own them.